Straightshooter

Or, Age Distills Personality

My fellow vandwelling friend Lou Burgess wrote this about me on her “Just Lou" Facebook page:

“One of my favorite people. At first, all of the sweetness and light drove me nuts. But she also has a depth of personality and a lot of experience. I've met her in person, and she is one of the most awesome people ever. I'm privileged to know her".

Coming from Lou, this was huge. Lou and I match eye to eye in the stubborn ol' mule department. We are fellow Queens of the “I Yam What I Yam Kingdom”. Lou has an honesty and candor that others see as sandpapery and a tad too direct. Maybe once or twice she and I have butted heads in comments to a post, which without hesitation, ended up being long, drawn out push me pull you conversations over Messenger. She knows what she knows, says what she says, and cares not a whit about ruffled feathers when passionately defending her position on any subject.

I honor her passion, but something about her delivery flies all up under my tail feathers. We are both of the five feet or less variety of obstinate, gray haired old women who just can’t let things lie. She will fling the burr that grabs a seat up under my saddle. I will retreat to mine my words carefully, summoning up every teaspoon of tact that I might have available before I reply.

In the meantime, my phone ding ding dings with one more sentence, one more word, one more feverishly typed admonition and explanation and assertion from Lou, which I ignore, until it stops dinging to my satisfaction.

I may reply, or I may wait awhile, percolating, brewing my words and shoring myself up for the next wave of hers. I know better than to reply before she has had the full conversation with herself.

I love Lou because she is who she is, like it or not. Life has dealt her a lot of blows, but she just rolled over 64 on her year-dometer. She is as scrappy as ever. I hope to still be a force to be reckoned with (if necessary) when I am 64. I am privileged to know you, too, Lou. I respect your courage and your drive to live life on your own terms.

I admire those who don’t flinch at my intensity or knuckle under to it to please me. I say this because I have been called a “straightshooter" twice in the course of one week. People say that without question, they know where I stand. I generally won’t offer my opinion unless asked, but when asked a direct question, I must answer directly. It is who I am.

I am a forward marching soldier who plants each step, and each word, firmly, but carefully. I consider the impact of my energy and input when stepping into (or in) any situation. I am not one of those Olive Oyl chicks who have to stand up twice to make a shadow. My best defense is a placid poker face and calm demeanor. However, do not mistake my powdered sugar coating for anything less than a bullet proof hard candy shell.

When I walk, I stomp firmly on my heels, as my friend Pixie Pal (Donna) says, like an elephant. I prefer “mountain goat”, each step firmly planted, to avoid falls, and pitfalls. Call it deliberate, or stubborn, but you can hear me both coming and going.

What I know about Lou, about myself, and about most people, is that as we age, we become a more concentrated version of ourselves. Our personality is shaped by our general temperament and by our life experiences, both the easy and the challenging. If we were in charge in the workforce, we will often expect to be in charge in our retirement years. Snowbird winter destinations are chock full of retired management types who need to lead and cannot turn that trait off even if they aren’t actually in charge.

Gruntled, disgruntled, bossy, sweet, easy-going, suspicious…you name it, and you could use it to describe someone’s retirement-village personality. When you can’t get fired from a volunteer position, you leverage your strong opinion to spin plates your way, so all the lights are (finally) shining on you. People see you as you are now, though, not as the big boss you once were. You have to earn your stripes in such circles.

Being part of an older, wiser crowd means I also see through a lot of the posturing and games. Being a very literal person makes those actions impossible for me. If I say it, even if I fudge the landing, I meant to say it.

Have I always been successful, or even understood when I have shot straight from the hip? No, but I sure do try to be compassionate and considerate when I do. I am a retired management type who feels no need to manage anyone else’s life but my own.

I admire people who find their voice, even if it is later in life. It’s great to want what you want, and do what you do, but when you feel the need to say something, have the courage to say what you need to say in your real INSIDE voice. There you will find the freedom to honor the leanings of your true, weird, one-of-a-kind self.

Always, be frank, Frank. People will respect your honesty, or not, and that’s ok.

With more roses than thorns,

~Brenda Cordray

“The Desert Rose”

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